Still loving senior camp!

Still loving senior camp - it's been one of my fave weeks so far and driving the golf cart is really exhilerating - I feel like the neighbourhood cabbie/ bus driver and the passengers are so gracious and grateful. Never thought I'd find such job satisfaction behind a steering wheel!
One lady today told me the sweetest story of how she met her 2nd husband. Basically her husband of 40-ish years had died and her son put an ad in the personal section of the local paper saying he was advertising on behalf of his mom (who'd more than kill him if she knew he was doing this!) He came round one day with a stack of letters from the respondees. And yes, she almost did kill him!!! Eventually, she had a look at the letters and was particularly taken by one. And that guy is her husband now of 8 years and they are at camp together and totally devoted. How cute is that!!!! Shows that as long as our hearts are beating, we can always be open to love and newness in our lives.
Speaking of which, Tom is meant to be coming out for the July 4 weekend, but now may not be as air prices are horrible. The best flight deal we've found so far is $880, which is a bit nuts for three days. Of course, I'm totally wanting to see him, but I will try and adopt Zen like detachment as it may not happen!!
I just had to drop some stuff off in the room of a really sweet guy here - and he had about 20 pill boxes lined up on his dressing table : ( poor thing!!
I really do adore all these people here, who just seem so happy to be alive and have such gracious attitudes. They are definitely all teachers for me and I love their company, too!!!! It really is a treat to hang out with 80-somethings on vacation!

The old folks have arrived and they are so cute!!! It seems that mid-80s is the average age : ) Have just sat in on an arts and crafts class with them - I have 25 mins now to myself - oh joy!!! And then I'm on duty til 11 tonight - mainly trundling around the site in a golf cart to give people rides from building to building (dial a ride style!) I feel like I'm on duty even when I'm off duty as people are likely to fall over, have questions, need assistance etc all the time - so unless i go into hiding, i have a responsibility to those around me. Very different from normal situations, where you say "I'm off now, but so and so will help you." One volunteer had to sleep in a guest's room last night to make sure she didn't run away (an oldie who i guess was here against her will!) I love the spirits and sweetness of alot of the guests I've encountered !

Giving Frustrations A Voice

In our weekly "how are you doing meeting" I mentioned two frustrations. One: that I didn't have a peer group of my age and 2) that without a car it's tough getting out of here which does not suit my explorer mentality.

Sometimes, by voicing frustrations, they get better! This was the case. The very next morning, I met the dad of one of the staff members who was visiting for a few days. he had his own van and loved exploring - so I've had a couple of excursions with my new trip buddy - discovering the quaint New England on my doorstep!

The age issue (the bulk of folks here are in college or very recently out of it - so I'm about 10-15yrs older than most) made me do a lot of thinking about my early 20s and how I was then and all the rich things that have come my way since! The 20s and 30s are definitely different - but in a good way for me!! More settled, more mellow, more inwardly peaceful, more sure of what I am and what I'm not, more experiences under my belt.

I don't feel "old" in comparison to the others - just at a different life stage. And since voicing this niggle, it's been less of an issue for me!!!

Conclusion: frustrations we carry within us and don't voice will colour our world in a sour way. Express them constructively and that allows the space for new magic to flow in ...

i survived silent week

The question I had in mind was silent retreat vs: laryngitis - any difference? Well, a silent retreat is far more pleasant! No ill symptoms, everyone else is as non-communicative as you (so no sense of missing out) and you know your voice is there should you want it! There was something familiar about the cosy blanket of silence and for the first few days I was loving it. It felt like a vacation and I was enjoying the peace and me-time. I felt very joyous and expansive. As my one team-mate (who is doing a degree in contemplative studies) said: the goal of meditation is to show you that everythign you need for your joy is within you and that you can not rely on externals for your happiness. Sounds good and matches my beliefs! However, sitting still for more than 20 mins on a cushion is not my style. I've come to the conclusion that I need to involve my body to drop down into deep inner peace. There was a great yoga class every afternoon which made me soooo happy!
By Sat am, I felt ready to re-enter the world. On the whole, it was a good experience and a nice way to "hang out" with myself (something I realised I'd not done much of these past 8 weeks).
This week, we have another silent retreat going on as well as a yoga teacher training course, so half the campus is in silence - this feels like a nice way to be - so i can dip into both silence and sociability!!
It's been intensely hot today and I'm ready to flake!
Other cool happenings: saw a giant porcupine yesterday (i thought it was a bear cub initially because of its size) - had a really beautiful, soulful rosh chodesh gathering (this is a women's only event to welcome in the new moon and the new month). The lady leading it (who is also my manager) is great and created such a beautiful space for us all both physically (with candles etc) and emotionally (everyone is eagerly awaiting next month!!)
It's been over a month now since I left the UK. On my silent wak to the rosh chodesh gathering, I was going over all the newness that this past month has brought me - and what a rich month it's been.
Love to you from the semi-silent zone.
Sam xox

Descent Into Silence

I feel like a naughty kid as I've sneaked into the "out of bounds" computer booth to write to you all! The silent retreat guests are registering now (they're allowed to talk until dinner) and I've just come off a mammoth shift which started at 4pm on Fri and has been non-stop ever since!!! Am overjoyed that I can finally do my laundry and some clandestine blog updating!

Alas, the computer booth is in the meditation hall (or the room that is being transformed into the meditation hall), so I am likely to be a silent blogger until the June 17 and will be incommunicado. To everyone who's e-mailed me, it's unlikely I'll be able to acknowledge your message until the silence is over : ( My guess is that with all the silence around me, I'll be bursting with things to write!!

One of the departing guests, gave me a beautiful handmade gift today as a thank you (a glass paperweight). Very touched!! I'm really enjoying interacting with the guests and creating a nice space for them. Better sneak out now!!! Lots of love to everyone until i'm next back in cyber land xxxxxxx

Roaring Metropolis

I took a walk to the nearest place where people dwell outside the doors of the retreat center. It's a 30 min walk down a grassy, flower-lined lane where the insects hover and the occasional bored dog will bark and run after you. And then you arrive in Falls Village. Established, as the welcome sign says, in seventeen hundred and something or other.

It's a sleepy place with white wooden houses, grassy lawns, dark wooden rocking chairs on porches and as far as I can tell only four things that aren't houses. There is a post office (which closes for lunch every day), a funky breakfast and lunch cafe (which is only open 4 days a week), a library which was closed today and Shelley's hair salon.

I'm excited to go back one morning when I'm free and hang out at the cafe to soak up more local colour.

I'm on duty all weekend - so this felt like my last gulp of fresh air and freedom until Sun afternoon. Being on duty all weekend also means dealing with folks who have weird requests in the middle of the night. Hopefully there won't be too many of them as my morning shifts begin at 6-7am-ish and I like my sleep!

Mind Blowing

This week's classes have been mind blowing and I was in neither of them by choice!!! I was planning to take classes with a health and wellness thrust - but the leader of two of the classes tragically died last week, so his offerings were cancelled.

Instead, I found myself on the theology/ spirituality track and my mind was stretched in 101 new directions!

Here is the thrust of what I learnt, if the name G*d doesn't do it for you, find a name that does! If the idea of male, hierarchical G*d language doesn't do it for you, go for female, universal language (in Hebrew ruach and shehina are good substitutes). There are five different ways of perceiving G*d (each indicating a different level of our own psychological evolution).

1 -Zoomorphic - G*d as animal shapes (this idea came from ancient Egypt)
2 - Anthropomorphic - G*d as a human - "in the hands of G*d", "king", "lord", "with an outstretched arm"
3 - Deistic - scary G*d with a big ego who can bestow either punishment or reward, vengeful and unchanging

(Sadly, I only got taught up to level 3 as a kid - which didn't make the concept of G*d a very enticing one)

4 - Theistic - this idea is big in Kabbalah - that the essential nature of things is G*d and that G*d's holy sparks are everywhere and that the world is filled with vessels (us included) which can be filled with light

5 - Panentheism (non-dualism) - this appears to be the new theology and the one that is expanding my head. G*d is essentially everything - light and shadow and there is no separation between human and G*d as they are the same thing - so many notions familiar in Western culture such as praying to G*d, trying to get closer to G*d, talking to G*d are irrelevant with this new theology.

I feel that I've gone from junior school to grad school in the space of 5 days! Many of my fellow classmates have degrees in comparative religion - or have practised religions on a very deep level - so, the level of discussion blows my mind.

There is a lot of discussion as well about how changing consciousness can change the planet and I have a new favourite word. Noosphere. This is the consciousness envelope of the planet. Every time you have a thought that no one has ever had before, it goes into this cosmic envelope and this makes it easier for the next person to access this thought and the next ...

There has been so much homework to go with this - all of the self development kind - writing letters to G*d, seeing what associations the words G*d and spiritual bring up for us and seeing where they come from, seeing how our relationship with adult figures as a child effected views of G*d etc, etc.

I'm sure my mind will be blown and stretched in many more directions tomorrow! For now, it's homework time!

24 hours!

A lot can happen in 24 hours! The police and ambulance came to remove a staff member who sadly had some kind of nervous breakdown - I was called on at midnight (ish) to tweezer out a tic (nasty insect/ leech thing) from a fellow volunteer's crotch, I've bumped into two faces from the past and have just received a homework assignment for tomorrow. Tell a parable which relates the story of the evolution of my soul only using images from the natural world. Gosh! I'd like at least a few days to mull that one over - but as you may have gathered, intensity is the name of the game here!!

nature

On my 7.30am walk from bedroom to this computer I passed a bunny munching a pink flower, a chipmunk scurrying across the path and mom and pop goose with their six fluffy offspring breakfasting on grass. All this to an accompaniment of birdsong and SUNSHINE !!

rainin', rainin', rainin'

On Sat, I saw a thermometer and it said 91f. It had been hot and sticky all week and I thought hmm.. if this is how late May/ early June feels, what will it be like by Aug? A local told me that this was highly unusual weather and only 8 days a year get so hot. His words proved true as while I was standing his store chatting, the rains began and it has rained, rained, rained ever since. This morning all the storming provided a power outtage - so it was peeing by candlelight and cold cereal for breakfast! Now it's damp and chilly, but the cosy glow of electricity is back!!! I'm surprised that there is still water in the sky.

I may have failed to mention there is a beautiful lake here - in the early morning the mist rolls over it and with tree covered craggy peaks ringing it, I feel I've landed somewhere sub-tropical and mysterious.

We took a 40 min hike (all uphill!) last week and ended up at a beautiful lookout point where we were as high as the hawks who were circling us.

Next week - people are coming for a silent retreat and as staff, the invitation is to participate too - and if we want to talk - the only place we can do so is in our rooms. The guy leading the retreat spoke to us this morning and has really nice energy. Apparently, when a bunch of 30 or 50 people are doing silence together for long periods, two things can happen. 1 - People fall in love with other people in the room and build up magnificent fantasies about them, without ever having a conversation - the ultimate crush! 2 - people get super narky and write the retreat manager complaint letters about everything from "person X needs to comb their hair in a different style" to "my napkin wasn't properly folded" to "person Y put their fork down too loudly and that irritated me."

I'm wondering how it will differ from having laryngitis for 5 days! Probbaly more fun than laryngitis cos at least everyone else is in the same silent bubble as you !