just be

Wow! Life has surfed forward since Thursday's post. I stood in line for an hour outside the embassy (hint = come warmly bundled up). I was in long sleeves and trousers, but I could see the goosebumps on the flesh of the students around me in t-shirts and shorts. When I got inside, my hands were so cold that the scanning machine (which takes an imprint of your fingers) couldn't pick up an image for me!

Anyway, the lady said "you've been authorised" - I did an internal can-can on the spot and life since has been about ridding myself of possessions, moving possessions and going through the formalities of closing down a life. It's a project. It's a full-time job.

My flat is stripped bare of artwork and books. Those are the things that I care about most, that are my comfort toys. Now they've gone, the flat is becoming more and more of a shell and less of me. I move my imprint with me.

My brother is packing his bags tonight. I say to him I won't see you for 3 months and 2 weeks. I wish there was more time for socialising and really being "with" people. I can't be present with anyone while there is still so much chaos to be packed, stored and put in suitcases. I need to do this to close my life here.

I come home yet again to Tom's voice on the answer phone. It's the counter force that's moving me forwards. Eight days until he picks me up in LA. And that makes him all the more real. After the craziness and "doing"-ness of these past days there is a real longing to curl up quietly alongside him, wrapped in my favourite pair of arms and just be. After single-handedly moving my belongings and navigating US gvt bureaucracy, there is a deep relief in knowing that soon someone will be carrying my suitcase, protecting me and I can step into the passenger seat.

So much to still do. And walking into my place (now minus fridge and dining room table) I freeze.